Intoxicated: A Thorough Breakdown

Michael McIntyre hit the nail on the head with how Posh people get drunk and use any term for drunk and it got me thinking:

But, according to the Urban Thesaurus algorithm, the top 5 slang words for “drunk” are: Pissed, Cocked, Tipsy, Pished, and Crunk.

There are also (so it says) 1198 other synonyms or words related to drunk. Now whilst I expected “Pissed” to be in the top five and can relate to the tamer among us that “Tipsy” is there but as for the others I am unsure so thought I would put down all the terms I know in my own head

I managed to do 60 which is far more than I expected, and I also wanted a top 10 but battled for a while and thought, oh bugger it, it stays as is. So here is my Top 12 and why:


Reasoning….. and why not!

Boiled as an owl (What! I hear you say)

Just love this term. I read this somewhere in AA literature and can assume that it’s a saying that has slowly died away. Certainly, I had never heard it up North before and it could be from the US, in which case I salute you. I have said this in so many different accents and with conviction and it sounds funny in all. I mean, what kind of sicko would boil an owl in the first place and then to incorporate it in the world of being Intoxicated, you’d have to be pissed to even acknowledge being “Boiled as an Owl”. Anyway, I will use this to explain when people I know are worse for wear (another one) and I need to report on their condition. … No way she’s making it home tonight… she’s as boiled as an owl.!!


Just because a goose is a bird to, I have no favouritism. It’s just a good word and can also be used when you’re tired, like “I’ve had a shit day in the office, and I am goosed” or you got your end away as in “We goosed all night”. It might have been born with Goose from Top Gun who as we all know got smashed and then fell in the drink (done that before), Grey Goose even, but it used to be used in my world a whole lot.

Rat Faced

It’s just a bit different and I suppose comes from someone being that pissed (see its used all over) they ate a rat or something like that. Said with conviction it’s also rather funny.


Just couldn’t leave it out and why should I, everyone uses it and it isn’t that bad a word after all. I guess it comes from the word “Piss” which is often used to describe alcohol (In Oz for sure) or the fact that drinking 14 1/2 pints of lager makes you piss like an Arabian Stallion?


Easily made the top 10 but for me lacks the comedy value these days. Sure “Steamin” is an old warrior of the word not to be forgotten and the amount of times I have felt like there is steam coming out my ears, it cannot be ignored. Well done for making mid table.


The word Bollocks is a legend amongst it peers because it can be used in a variety of contexts to explain mistakes, tiredness, male species anatomy and of course when you can hardly stand up, you are Bolloxed.


Like some others it can have different meanings such as “f*** sake my dinner was mingin” or “the weather’s a bit mingin” but when said in the context of “I was absolutely mingin last night” it’s a solid word to be used for explain the state of your sorry ass.


Everyone knows what you mean when “I was arseholed last night” is said. However, whilst my terminology on anal sex may be limited, I would like to think that it isn’t used in that context too much but hey… This is 2019!

Shit Faced

Maybe the same principle as rat faced but we will not go there. Commonly used, and again, when said out loud there is no denying what it means… Unless anyone else uses it to describe people with actual shit on their face!! Hope not?


Used a fair bit but what does it mean and where does it come from? Maybe we used to drink mead by the gallon out of hide cups. Who knows but it made the top ten?


If you haven’t seen the film “King Pin” with Woody Harleson and Bill Murray, then you should. Not only is it a funny film it sprung the word Munson’d into my life and has been used to explain mash ups of all kinds ever since.


Feel bad for “Twatted” and had some deliberation to be honest because although Twat and its elder sister C**t are extremely strong crude words I must confess, I find them very powerful when used in the right (if there is one) context. Sorry about that.


Not to be totally forgotten, the other 48 are below. Are there any complaints:

Rat arsed Tanked Lashed Annihilated
Steamboated Battered Trashed Pittled
Smashed Loaded Stewed Done
Rotten Bladdered Off your tits Cooked
F****d Rockin & Rolling Under the influence Sloshed
Ratted Pickled Inebriated Unsober
Drunk Wasted Potted Sloppy
Tipsy Mortalled Boozed Bombed
Plastered Paralytic Buzzed Howling
Out your skull Half Cut Looped Blind
3 sheets to the wind Spannered Muddled Loaded
Pontooned Ham Sandwiched High Spangled

Any more for anymore?

I would like to finish off this post by saying that for all the words above, in which there are many, they will never be used to explain my state of mind again, and for all the times they are used, they will never come close to the word “SOBRIETY”.

Stay Sober and please don’t boil any Owls!!

All the best….. Darren

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